I may need a little help this year!

I really am in an emotional bind this holiday season! Sometimes as all the holidays come and go i find myself a little challenged to be grateful.
I'd like to spend the holidays being with my family in appreciation of all have have and come out of it all with a big AH HA look at all the blessings you have and the things you have overcome!
Instead i generally, although ever grateful, come out a little bitter in some path life had taken me and also a bit conflicted on some i've taken myself.
This time of year always leaves me remembering my family far away. Every holiday that passes i marvel at how quickly my children are getting older and how sad i am that i can not share it with those closest to me.
This is the first year i spend without my grandpa, who meant the world to me, and so i think this year may be the hardest. Happiness is only as whole a those you share it with.
I have always been blessed in my ability to see through any storm and know that we will always be okay and protected but this year i find myself a bit more challenged than usual.
I wake up every morning to the faces of angels and i know that in so many ways, no matter my hardships, i should not be feeling so alone.
Yet like many i still do. Maybe i am not seeking out God in the way i should. Maybe i'm just overwhelmed by all that i have going on or maybe a just need to go home...