In the last few weeks I have been missing my much looked forward to Wednesday bible study :-( with all the stuff happening around the house e.g. the ceiling and floor being useless... I have had to meet with demolition people, flooring people, drywall people and painters! UGH...and it always seems to fall on Wednesday! So I have been trying to get my life in prayer a little stronger as I seem to have a hard time settling down into a peaceful and growth like prayer. It has made a big defference even if I only take a minute when I am stressed and say a quick prayer it really changes my attitude... the last month has left me feeling so blessed..
With that said I cannot seem to catch up.. my stress level is higher than it has been in a long time..and so is my laundry pile. My great sense of fear to fail has been creeping up on me. People often ask me how, as a single working, student, parent, I do it. Usually my answer would be..the same as everyone else, God and a daily count of my blessings..lately, I just don't know. I feel like my patience is short and my to do list is long. To long for me to get it done. I realize we all have these same trials but for the past few weeks it has left me feeling like, and I hate to say it, I am in some way failing.
My oldest daughters both have has birthdays this past couple weeks and it leaves me reflective on whether I am doing as good of a job as I should. I think I am...but what if i'm srewing them up? What if my tornado of a room, or my prepared from a box dinners or my occasional outburst of impatience overpowers the love I do my best, in the midst of our chaos, to show them everyminute. I know, I know..it's not. But sometimes the stress of live leaves you feeling a tad incompetent. I know I have only been given what I can handle and I know God has given me these girls because He knows I will be the best parent for them.. and truly, I know this too.
As I said, this month has me counting my blessings but also has me terrified of my failures. In the end, I know that those blessings, my love for life and my children, my friends and my relationship with God, with be there as all I need...
~Jessica
4 comments:
Hope next week is much calmer for you! If you get bored this weekend and need a moment to relax, we are headed up to the cabin - you are welcome to join us!
Grace, Grace, God's Grace, Grace that is greater than all my fears...
We do mess up. I've got the pile of laundry, the too short of temper, and the good intentions that haven't gotten to fruition. I hear ya on the fear of failure.
I am so thankful that God's grace is there, in the midst of my parenting, to pick me up. He who has begun a good work in me and in my children, will carry it out to completion. By His grace, not my stellar parenting.
Just wanted to leave a little encouragement... you aren't alone in this battle.
Thanks for being real. I love real blogs!
Thank you! I know I am not alone but sometimes a girls got to vent! Appreciate you reading my babbles!:-)
Thanks for taking the time to share your view with us..keep up the good work!
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