In the last few weeks I have been missing my much looked forward to Wednesday bible study :-( with all the stuff happening around the house e.g. the ceiling and floor being useless... I have had to meet with demolition people, flooring people, drywall people and painters! UGH...and it always seems to fall on Wednesday! So I have been trying to get my life in prayer a little stronger as I seem to have a hard time settling down into a peaceful and growth like prayer. It has made a big defference even if I only take a minute when I am stressed and say a quick prayer it really changes my attitude... the last month has left me feeling so blessed..
With that said I cannot seem to catch up.. my stress level is higher than it has been in a long time..and so is my laundry pile. My great sense of fear to fail has been creeping up on me. People often ask me how, as a single working, student, parent, I do it. Usually my answer would be..the same as everyone else, God and a daily count of my blessings..lately, I just don't know. I feel like my patience is short and my to do list is long. To long for me to get it done. I realize we all have these same trials but for the past few weeks it has left me feeling like, and I hate to say it, I am in some way failing.
My oldest daughters both have has birthdays this past couple weeks and it leaves me reflective on whether I am doing as good of a job as I should. I think I am...but what if i'm srewing them up? What if my tornado of a room, or my prepared from a box dinners or my occasional outburst of impatience overpowers the love I do my best, in the midst of our chaos, to show them everyminute. I know, I know..it's not. But sometimes the stress of live leaves you feeling a tad incompetent. I know I have only been given what I can handle and I know God has given me these girls because He knows I will be the best parent for them.. and truly, I know this too.
As I said, this month has me counting my blessings but also has me terrified of my failures. In the end, I know that those blessings, my love for life and my children, my friends and my relationship with God, with be there as all I need...